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Top Five

Looking for vampires, porn addicts and circus performers

Being from a newspaper background, I’m still learning about the duties of my new job at Moody Gardens. While in the past, I was the one being pitched stories by people, now I am doing the pitching.

As it turns out, a tool PR people use on occasion to find media members to pitch stories to is HARO – Help a Reporter Out.

Somehow, in my decade in the newspaper business, I had never heard of HARO. It turns out, this is a website reporters can go to in order to find people to interview for their story ideas. I signed up for this, so I receive several emails a day from HARO featuring inquires from tons of media looking for a good story.

I’ve had a couple HARO posts that I’ve responded to – good place for a Gulf Coast wedding or cheap last minute summer vacation destinations – but the rest of the quires aren’t very useful to me. I can’t help out reporters looking for information on “Social Entrepreneurs Making a Difference” or “Economic Impact of Panama Canal Expansion.”

The best part about HARO, though, is the entertainment it provides me. That’s because some of the queries are damn right crazy. I’ve been keeping a list of my favorites, so here are my top five crazy HARO queries in just a two-week span.

Honorable Mention

• Writing a book on Why Women are Superior to Men

Looking for quotes from Women and Men to be published in my upcoming book entitled; “1000 Reasons Women are Superior to Men” Open to all suggestions/quotes

• Has 50 Shades inspired you to get ‘adult furniture’

Looking to connect with New Yorkers who recently added adult paraphernalia to their home, perhaps as a reaction to the book “50 Shades.” Would love to photograph the furniture for fun upcoming story!

• Tired of baby pictures on Facebook?

I need comments from everyday Facebook users who are willing to go on the record to say that they are fed up with all the baby pictures usurping the space on their home page. This is for a light-hearted article, but be warned — you might have some explaining to do to your baby-having friends!

• Finding REAL Pet Communicators

It seems like the number of pet communicators out there are growing by leaps and bounds and I’ve met some who have nailed it and others who are just full of ____. Many pet owners are intrigued by the idea of communicating with their pet; how do they tell the real from the fake?

No. 5:  Do You Have a Zombie-Related Business?

Media Outlet: Exmainer.com
I’m doing stories on people in the Zombie Business.

Do you have a Zombie product or service? Do you have a Zombie movie, book, blog or website? If so, I might want to feature you in my Small Business column.

Buckley’s take: So I get asking for zombie movies or books. But what exactly is a “zombie service”? And why does that scare me? Is Rick Grimes making this request?

No. 4: Summary: Looking for a vampire expert who can discuss famous female vampires

Media Outlet: Huffington Post

Looking for a vampire expert who can discuss famous female vampires and their impact on pop culture.

Requirements: Interested in both real and fictional female vampires

Buckley’s take: Another request for a monster. I do love how they are searching for both “real and fictional” female vampires. Christian Slater has apparently broadened his story.

No. 3: Impress Her for Less

Media Outlet: Ebony

Ebony is the premier news and lifestyle magazine for African American men and women.
For an article about dating, seduction and romance, we’d like to hear from men about ways you’ve found to impress a date with a great time while spending just ten dollars or less per person. How did you blow her mind for $9.99?

Requirements: Guys, married or single, who are smart with their money and know how to make a woman happy.

Buckley’s take: You know what they say about stereotypes – they are based on something real. I mean, seriously, the fact this is going to be an article in Ebony magazine makes it 200-times funnier. I wonder if the $9.99 price includes tip for the meals.

No. 2: Porn habit/addiction started because of smartphone

Media Outlet: Deseret News

I’m looking for individuals who have developed a pornography addiction because of constant web access through a smartphone or tablet. It would be even better if it were a company provided phone/device. Also, I’m looking for individuals who have tried to avoid developing a porn addiction by installing filtering software or creating rules for their internet use. We can talk about how you’ll be quoted if you have concerns about privacy.

Buckley’s take: This one nearly topped the list thanks to the line, “it would be even better if it were a company-provided phone.”

No. 1: Seeking female circus performers/acrobats who are mothers

Media Outlet: Anonymous

I’m seeking mothers who are circus performers who risk their lives and health for their job. This would include lion tamers, tight rope walkers, stunt women, extreme acrobats or anything else that is seem as risky or dangerous.

Participants would be part of a new documentary TV series about what it takes to raise a decent human being. In 50 Cultures, 1 Kid (working title), cameras will follow a first-time mom and comedienne on a light-hearted quest to learn everything she can about parenthood. As she explores different communities and cultures, she will interact with mothers of all kinds to learn their secrets of parenting through humorous conversations and eye opening experiences.

Buckley’s take: Mothers who are circus performers? Seriously? How many circus performers are actually signed up with this service? And who the hell sits in a meeting and goes, “You know what I want to find out about – circus performers who are mothers.” I would laugh my ass off at that pitch meeting.

As I said, these we collected in a mere two weeks. I’m sure I will have plenty more to share in the coming months.

Mad Ramblings

• How many damn quarters does Maroon 5 have? They’ve been at that payphone for months. And where did they even find a pay phone?

• Going to see The Campaign on Friday. Been waiting for this movie for almost a year. I’m hoping it will expand my quotes to use on a regular basis, ala Anchorman, Dodgeball and Dumb & Dumber.

• The Cubs are awful right now, but it could be worse – they could be the Astros.

• We finally passed the Chinese in the overall medal count at the Olympics. Merica, Fuck Yeah!

• I got put in charge of Shark Week activities at our Aquarium Pyramid, and I’m totally loving it. Got some cool stuff planned. Now to get the media down here to cover it.

• Cosa Nostra: Dallas is officially on and less than a month away. Confirmed travelers are Patty, Andy, Angry Patrick and Thrill. Going to see Alabama-Michigan that Saturday night at the JerryDome. Should be a blast!

Bear Down and Keep the Faith!

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About Joshua Buckley

I used to be a Sports Editor. Now I'm the Media Relations Manager at the Gulf Coast Regional Blood Center.

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Cubs World Series picture and Red Robin. My girls know how to treat me on Father's Day. The sound quality wasn't too great at NRG last night, but the Metallica show was still amazing. Seeing them play so many songs from one of the best albums ever - The Black Album - was something I've always wanted to do. #bucketlist Ready for Metallica! Not gonna lie... I want this suit! Whelp, let's try this... #stopsnoring Linsey Alexander with a surprise cameo on the Blues guitar.
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